Your gut…can you trust it?

Written by Lisa

“Just trust your gut.”

This triggered me as a new mum. I couldn’t hear my gut through the chaos of having a new born, being sleep deprived, having breastfeeding problems and my body healing after human exiting it. It came with time. Time and compassion in bucket loads.

For many reasons the gut trusting thing can be challenge for some people in general.

And hey guess what, your still just a person when you become a mum. You don’t magic into a role with an inherent fountain of knowledge – rather unfortunately because that would be handy.

So here’s a couple of reasons why trusting your gut might be a challenge. Apart from the chaos stuff I already mentioned.

You may not have been encouraged or shown how to tap into your own resources as a child or encouraged to seek answers outside of yourself more, rather than looking inside. This can create a shakey sense of ‘gut trust’, due to lack of practice.

You might have been brought up in situations where your gut knew things were not ok in your homes or family situation but were led to believe otherwise or question your own reality and so this can make you ignore your gut and overly doubt yourself.

Trusting your gut is like a muscle that gets stronger the more you use it. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re not used to using it. You are absolutely doing the best you can.

If you’re reading this and it resonates. Next time you have a call to make on something, why not try out your own power for size. Exercising that sense of self trust is process for many and small steps you feel safe to make can help you get there.

Lisa x

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Comparison is the thief of Motherhood

I’m 6 months in and I have NEVER compared myself to others as much as I have done in the last 6 months.

This person is flying it…. That person’s baby sleeps like a dream…. That girl over there has this nailed…..

Why is that?

I’ve learnt about motherhood from a sociological perspective but now I’m living it and holy shit balls. Learning about something and living it – two very different things. I obviously know that. But now I knoooow that.

Half the time I feel like what I suspect Alice must have felt like when she fell down that rabbit hole. However, if you follow that story through, she had a pretty wild adventure. And I relate to that too.

But so where the does all this comparison come from?

Dr. Sophie Brock, a sociologist in Motherhood Studies says “We have been conditioned to internalise the patriarchal, social and cultural beliefs around what it means to be a good mother.” The Perfect Mother Myth.

These beliefs are deeply, deeply ingrained in our society and are basically unhelpful rules we as mothers must adhere to in order to be considered, and consider ourselves, to be good mothers. This is big stuff.

Further to that she states “comparison can be a way to berate ourselves into being a better mother.” Ah. Clever.

‘It’s not necessarily the comparing thought that’s the issue, but rather the feeling of guilt and shame that follows’. – right. And no better way to ensure compliance. Guilt and shame are long used forms of social control.

Motherhood – it’s an extremely loud arena. And as new mum, who like us all is learning daily on the bounce, it has been harder to drown out the noise than I ever expected.

Okay, so what can we do about this comparison then?

First, we must recognise that we cannot resist what we cannot see.

So, grab a pen and paper and write down:

1. What do you currently believe you should be doing in order to consider yourself a good enough mum.
2. Challenge any thoughts that are creating shame or any feelings of not good enoughness. Where do those thoughts or images come from?
3. Could you then create your own image of what a happy, content and good enough mother is?

My intention for 2022 is rebuild what my own beliefs are around all this.

I don’t think it’ll happen overnight but what I wish for me as a new mum, and all the mums out there, is to mother my little love like no-ones watching.

Lisa xx

The antidote to mom guilt

Mom guilt   Mom guilt. I think it’s fair to say that most women have heard this term. But what is it and why does it happen? Research shows that mom guilt tends to happen most when a mother has aligned herself closely to the Perfect Mother Myth. Briefly, the...

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